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"Stories I have never written" meme responses
OK, know I've had a night's sleep and done some pet and human food shopping on this very warm and fine spring day, I shall respond to the Stories I have never written (and in most cases are very unlikely to write meme. You lot didn't make it easy for me either.
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astrogirl2: I adored "Multiversal Thief!" I mean, I knew you could stick Vila in universes like Farscape's and make it entertaining -- and I did enjoy his brief encounter with Chiana and Zhaan -- but some of those crossover possibilities would never have occurred to me in a million years, and you really made them work. I think it was when he popped out into the world of The Simpsons that I started grinning like crazy, and I didn't stop until the end. And I still think you should write a sequel featuring the shows you missed out -- not that there were all that many!
Of course I'd written Vila and Chiana before, but Zhaan was new, and Vila really came out of that encounter smarting. Literally. I have to say it was fun writing Vila in the 2D Simpsons universe and being worried about whether the bits of himself he couldn't see and touch were still there, and I was tempted to have him find Homer's once-used portal into Tron, but thought that was going a bit far. Poor Vila, finding that all the stuff (and one hound) he nicked from Mr Burns's mansion were still two-dimensional when he got them back to his escape TARDIS.
From wolfma: I loved the post-GP one where Vila and Avon become strippers.
You mean "Bada-Bing!"? You know, when I started writing Avon doing it unwillingly just to get some GP cash, I never expected him to start enjoying himself the way he did when he saw the response he got from the ladies--and gentlemen of GP. Vila was of course rather miffed that Avon got all the attention, but Vila's bum is rather flat canonically. I am especially proud of the test cricket routine where they come in in their cricket whites, bats in hand, then turn round to reveal that the bottoms had been enticingly cut out of their trousers. And Avon's Caligula routine was the most fun to write, with slave Vila feeding him peeled grapes as they both unpeeled themselves.
From entropy_house: "A Fur Piece" was a great caper story. I loved Vila trying to make up to Cally by stealing Servalan's fur coats for her, and having to dress up in one of them and pretend to be Servalan when Travis 'reported for duty'. The scene with the lights out was hilarious. And when Vila found his teleport bracelet and told Travis 'I'd rather kiss a wookie'... and did it in Servalan's voice! I hurt myself laughing.
I do think that scene with Travis was directly responsible for him deciding to destroy humanity; I like to explain canon logically. :-) I did decide to omit a scene where Vila dyed one of the coats red and offered it to Jenna "for being such a fox" because it just wasn't working. And besides, I thought not having one piece of red fur in the whole thing made it funnier.
From kernezelda: Vila and Chiana just had a blast, and I had a blast reading them. I'm sure the Doctor was a lot more amused than he let on, even if the Tardis did get a tiny, tiny little dent from the pursuit. "All's Fair In Love and War" is a classic for a reason!
Thank you! I had to get those two back together after Grey where I ripp'd them untimely from each other's arms. As for Five, I think he was ready to forgive Vila for anything after he confused that gladiator by producing a Ludo board (trust Vila to go for a Latin pun there) and challenging him to a game in the arena. Anyway, Vila didn't mean to fly the TARDIS into the Coliseum, but he was a bit rattled with that massive gladiator after him for using a loaded die (and saying "alea jacta est" every time he threw it). Vila was not cut out for the arena. And the Doctor was very amused when Vila served that Sontaran some hot chips, then asked all mock-concerned if it counted as cannibalism. Was introducing Chiana to Ten and a banana too much? Chiana does tend to take phallic fruit the wrong way.
From jaxomsride: "Vila, The Witch and The Ward's Robe." I thought this was great. The scene between Jadis and Servalan remains etched in my brain. Vila's encounter with Aslan had me giggling like an idiot. Now there is a thief who would never view him as a "tame lion". Finding the robes of State and stealing them out of the palace was a masterful piece of Vila's ingenuity and your storytelling ability. The young Queen was just how a true Narnian Queen should be, brave, valiant and not at all prosy.
I so enjoyed writing The Lion, the Thief, and Avon, I had to write a sequel where Vila goes back, and he was needed to prevent Servalan from causing trouble there. I was quite pleased with the idea that Servalan's wardrobe connected to Jadis's one and that explained why Servie wore so much white. I'm not into fashion myself, but I liked writing that scene where they discuss how The Right Clothes matter, and how Jadis was unable to maintain her proper image as the White Witch in the red or black that had suddenly appeared in their shared wardrobe. In the same way of course the robes of state mattered to the princess, so I had to have Vila steal them back from Madame President.
Aslan is never quite tame, and Vila knew it, but he always had an urge to scritch Aslan behind the ears. I was going to finish with him doing that but decided he wouldn't have the courage to.
From redstarrobot: I know you tend to be a Vila girl, so I was very impressed by "The Many Irresistible Charms of Sam Axe" - it was so incredibly tongue-in-cheek, and you did a masterful job of showing him both as capable ex-covert ops agent navigating a back-stabbing world of intelligence operatives and as the self-centered-with-a-heart-of-gold comic-foil ladies' man with an over-fondness for margaritas and easy living.
Sam is a pleasure to write, and in effect lives the life Vila always wanted. I like how he seems so laid back, yet his spy skills are in almost the same league as Michael's and Fiona's, and his other talents far out of their league judging by his success in his, well, can't really call it a day job. It was complicated though to work out just how Sam's current and previous ladies were connected to Michael's current client and just how this affected the job--for both Michael and Sam. Plus of course there was a lot of fun with C4; not the sort of substance that usually ends up in a bedroom scene. I think it enhanced Sam's pleasure though. ;-)
From executrix: I thought that "Always Winter and Never Chanukah" gave a really interesting look into the difficult life of Jewish fauns.
Thank you! I figured that since someone imported the idea of Christmas from earth, why not have a portal appear in a 19th century shtetl? Narnia would after all be ripe for furry monotheism. I was going to include some of the history of Narnian Judaism, and an aside about how a later group of Americans were puzzled by the disproportionate numbers of animals called Motel, thinking that it was odd considering the lack of cars in Narnia, but of course it was a popular name--and not pronounced the way they thought--because of common fur patterns. I discarded that idea though due to clunky exposition and just settled for having one of the minor characters called Motel. However once I had Jewish fauns, I had to explore the problems they faced from predatory observant cheetahs because of their cloven hooves and prolonged enjoyment of their food as cud.
From snowgrouse: I wonder if there was a longer story behind that double drabble of Vila performing as a magician in a circus. It was interesting to see how even he winced when Avon wanted to steal money from the orphans and stuff, and I liked the exploration of both their morals in such a short and poignant piece. "Juggling Priorities" needs a sequel or twelve:).
Vila might be a thief, but he has his standards! He never steals from those who can't afford it. Avon OTOH has the attitude that give orphans money and they have meals for a week; teach them how to steal and they can feed themselves for life. Vila is a born entertainer and would do well on stage, but I wasn't sure how long I could sustain the idea for. Avon makes a great ringmaster, but it's hardly a challenge for him, and I couldn't think of a reason for him to stay and therefore extend the story. Perhaps he could solve seemingly inexplicable SF crimes and puzzles like Jonathan Creek?
From vandonovan: "Sheep In Wolf's Clothing". I really liked the way you handled Vila infiltrating the Alpha sectors and convincing people--especially Avon--that he was an Alpha. Though still think my favorite part is when he put on that dress! I hope you'll do a sequel later, to show us what happens to crew dynamics now that we know Vila was faking all this time.
Well, they think he was faking, which will make them rather unsure of him. He could have been a Beta and possibly Alpha on his own merits, but it would have entailed too much work and responsibility. Having robbed so many of that grade though, he knows how to pass as one, and it's certainly going to change the way Avon looks at him. Mind you, that fur-trimmed gold ball gown and red wig he wore to the Presidential Palace already did. :-) I couldn't resist having him nick Dayna's padded bum bag to hide his lockpicks in, and of course Avon's eyes went out on stalks at that lusciously rotund sight.
From kerravonsen: "More Heist, Less Speed" was great fun! I like how you dealt with the time-travel stuff, but the joy was in the interaction between Jarod and Vila. I liked how Vila was charmingly sly, while Jarod, seeming to be taken in at first, you got the impression that he had clued in on Vila's lies, and was pretending to be more naive than he was. And of course, seeing them working together was awesome.
It took me a while to think up a way of getting those two together, and of course Jarod would soon work out that Vila's advanced technical skills and lack of knowledge of everyday American life (hot dogs, baseball, tater tots, Oprah Winfrey) did not actually make him another Pretender, despite Vila's references to the cruel conditioning he underwent as a kid. It only took a few slips from Vila for Jarod to realise he had done a lot of space travelling and therefore was either an alien or a time traveller. And then I had to find a way to get Jarod onto Vila's ship because I could just imagine his smile of sheer delight at being in space. I really was tempted to have him stay at the end, but of course that would have turned it all into an AU depending on how The Pretender ends, and I don't know that yet. :-P
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Also, Avon would totally love being a ringmaster. Especially if he gets a whip, the kinky sod.
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Avon would, strutting around in tight white trousers and black leather tails and cracking his huge whip, especially at Vila during his act to make him jump, but Vila is a brilliant juggler and never drops his balls.
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I'm dying here, ahhahahahaha. That whole story sounds like cracky fun. MORE PGP STRIPPER FIC.
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Ah, this is such fun.
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This is a brilliant meme, isn't it?
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People are so fiendishly inventive! It's a bit like that "suggest a story I would never write and I'll write a scene from it" meme.
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Seriously, these are hilarious! And contain some genuinely interesting possibilities. I think you should mine it for finishathon ideas. :)
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I've already written bits of some. Vila in the TARDIS, Vila and Chiana together, Vila and Avon in Narnia. I'll have to start writing something though so I can use
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