vilakins | Various stuff, and not as positive as it should be

Entry tags:

cats,
real life

Various stuff, and not as positive as it should be

I'm not having the best week here. I had another disappointment (which I won't talk about because I'm trying to feel positive), then I went to pick up my new contact lenses today and found they were charging (through the nose) for both, although the government pays for the right one due to the keratoconus in that eye. I couldn't do anything about it because both optometrists (a couple in business together) are having a long weekend in Australia, so I'll have to go back next week.

Also, I have to go to a wedding this weekend. :-(

Does anyone else hate going to weddings? I'm not talking about the ceremony, which I quite enjoy, but the after-match function. It's usually hours later (three in this case which means we have to stuff around in Hamilton doing something, I don't know what, to amuse ourselves), the speeches are usually dead boring and often offensive (why do best men feel the need to tell filthy jokes about the couple?) and we won't know any of the guests. We're leaving right after the food and speeches and coming back here; after all, it's almost a 90 minute drive.

Anyway, I've bought them a beautiful glass teapot and a glass-and-silver stand for it which takes a tealight to keep the tea warm. :-D I should go and wrap it now. I have sparkly black wrapping paper with polka dots--the boxes will stand out among all that gold and white. :-D The wedding cards were all so revoltingly soppy or twee, I've bought a blank card with three brightly-coloured lollipops on it, and shall fill it out with a purple gel pen.

At our wedding, I might add, there were no speeches or formality at all; we just all had a fun and relaxed early dinner together. :-)

Since I'm supposed to be positive--thetisonline and I have a pact--I will point out that the weather's been wonderfully sunny and hot, the ~~kittens~~ teenagers are funny, cute, and utterly adorable (the less said about what the adult Claudia did in the laundry, the better), and I've bought a book called Clicker Training for Cats and two clickers. I'm starting next week. It's not just a good way to train the cats to do things, but also apparently a fun and stimulating way for them to interact with us and have fun. I don't plan to teach them party tricks though; I shall respect their independence and dignity.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry your week has been disappointing. I hope things improve.

I too hate weddings. I think weddings should be more like the one I went to in Cyprus. There was only a handful of us, it was swift, friendly, relaxed and we all enjoyed ourselves. There was no pressure and none of the fake trappings that people feel obliged to have.
Your card reminds me of the one Judith gave us when we got married. She bought us a Wallace and Grommit card and tickets to see the live version show of Wallace and Grommit - which was excellent, and surprisingly few children there ;0)

I've not heard of clicker training for cats before, but we used slow clapping with ours, which worked really well with Phoebe and Jasper, but not so well with the rebellious kittens, but still well enough.

I hope things improve.

I'm not holding my breath. Every time I get my hopes up, they're dashed.

My sister's wedding had all the traditional trappings [rolls eyes] because of my mother wanting it, but I was free to do my own thing in the absence of any parents by then. That wedding in Cyprus sounds like a lot of fun! Actually, ours was too, friendly and casual, and people really enjoyed it. :-)

From what I've heard of the mother of the bride, this one will have all the trimmings. Eep.

I hadn't heard of clicker training either, but it's apparently used heaps by animal trainers, zoos, and even people running shelters to reinforce good behaviour and enrich animals' lives. I only found out about it because I went to a blog for a recipe I wanted, and the next item was about him clicker-training his kitten, so I looked it up and was really interested. I'll be delighted if I can get them to stop scratching the living room furniture (which has a seductively rough covering) but apparently it can be used to reinforce any behaviour you like. I always thought Tessa did her cute little "roll over and look at you sideways" because I reinforced it by always cuddling her when she did it, so it sounds like common sense, but a little more scientific. Besides, a click during cute behaviour is easier and quicker and a lot more effective than a big cuddle after it. :-)

*HUGS AND SYMPATHY* I hate weddings, but, at least, the reception almost always follows within an hour of the ceremony. Three hours? Sheesh!!

I think it's to give time for photos, but yeah, three hours? So we'll have to swan about in our good clothes, and maybe sit on a rug under a tree and read, or go to a cafe or something. Hmm. I wonder who does high teas in Hamilton...

And anyway, don't Americans force people to go to a rehearsal of the dinner as well as the dinner? At least we don't have to do that. :-P

Well, uh, no...a rehearsal of the dinner might actually be fun. It's called a rehearsal dinner because it's for the participants in the wedding--bridesmaids, groomsmen, ushers, etc.--after the wedding rehearsal, which is usually a couple of days before the wedding. Not all weddings here have a dinner afterwards.

Ahhhhh, thank you! I was always puzzled about that. :-D

And of course like everything else in the US it varies. The only wedding I participated in had no rehearsal dinner (and not really a wedding rehearsal- we showed up at the church & met the pastor, mainly I think so he was assured we knew how to get there).

In the US it goes from utmost simplicity (city hall paper signing with maybe a recording of the wedding march) to obscene amounts of money spent on color coordinating everything down to the tuxes on the serving staff at the dinner afterwards.

You really can't generalize because there is no one typical wedding. Most are in the middle of the road as far as complexity & expense.

It's the same here: I've seen lots of variety from simple ceremonies on beaches, a medieval one in a crypt, Greg's sister's stealth wedding at what we thought was her birthday party (that one took about 10 minutes), registry office ones, even one couple who eloped to the US and married there to avoid having the wedding their parents wanted. I think the couple may in this case may be saddled with parents' expectations.

Really, I'm probably feeling jaded because the last after-match (Greg's cousin's) which was sooooo long and boring.

Aww, I hope things improve for you, but the positive stuff does sound... positive!

I think you're going to the wrong weddings... Or maybe I'm just avoiding the wrong ones, which may be more likely because I very rarely attend any. But three hours between the ceremony and the reception just seems dumb. I suppose they're spending the time taking photos or something?

Let us know how the clicker-training goes! I have a book which, among other things, supposedly tells you how to do that, but I never bothered with any of my kitties. It does sound like the method uses good feline psychology, though.

Yes, it's for photos, but I fail to see why you'd need more than an hour or so.

The last wedding I went to had a couple of hours for photos, but since the ceremony and reception were at the same place, we just wandered around. Plus they served snacks and drinks in the meantime. Other times we've just come home in between.

The book's slim and very easy to follow. I now realise what I'd suspected, that I've been doing something similar by showing affection after cute behaviour till Tessa, for example, knew how to do cute poses for cuddles. Also the vet this week during Claudia's annual checkup, couldn't believe that I have four cats who all get on really well, three of them even cuddling, so I'm obviously doing something right--my cats have always loved each other. I just need to train them not to ruin the living room furniture any more than they have (scratching the backs, cunning little sods).

Funny, it's always been the other way round for me. All the wedding ceremonies I've been to have been deathly boring, whereas the after party is usually pretty fun.

The ceremonies are usually only an hour. Dinner and boring interminable speeches, esp if they throw it open to all-comers like the last one did, can be 4-5 hours. [claws at hair] It probably depends on the parents as well, and from what I've heard of the bride's mother, this one will have all the trappings.

Maybe the Scots know how to do it! :-)

The last one was a while ago, but I recall music and dancing. And alcohol. Lots of alcohol. The best man gave a speech after dinner, but that was it as far as the formal bit went. Although the photographs seemed fairly interminable. My uncle's getting married in August, so I'll be able to refresh my memory this year.

We do indeed know how to do it in Scotland ;D Get the formalities as short as possible and move onto the party!

I'm sorry you're having a rotten week, but accentuating the positive sounds like a good way of coping. And I should think you were the ideal person to start clicker training, since you already think in terms of positive reinforcement anyway.

My children taught the dog to lie down on her side if you point her finger at her and say bang, but the "dead dog" effect is rather ruined by the enhtusiastically wagging tail!

Death throes! The dog is a ham!

Yes, I already figured that the cute things they do are reinforced by our reactions. I shall have to see how it goes! I'm sure it will work.

I don't much care for immediately post-nuptial celebrations either. First of all you have to stand around and wait for ages while the photographer faffs about with their lenses and whatever. Then you find yourself sitting at a table with about a dozen other people, and it usually seems to work out that the person you would most like to talk to is sitting immediately opposite you, so you have no chance. Also you have to dress up, and the last wedding I went to (which was my sister's) I had to do this in spades because I was head bridesmaid. I was forced into a strapless gown, which didn't feel at all right and was incredibly uncomfortable. I don't think anyone should ever be made to wear anything boned unless it is custom-fitted to their individual shape.

The trouble is, we won't know anyone at our table unless we're seated with the brother or sister of the groom, and I'm sure they'd rather be with their friends. Oh well.

Eep, bones! I don't even wear high heels!

I would be interested to hear about your kitty training - I have been vaguely thinking about clicker-training the chooks. There's this guy who's supposed to be the authority on operant conditioning who uses chickens in workshops to teach people how to train their pets. No party tricks here, either - just a couple of things to help us look after their wellbeing more easily.

Well, I bought the book online (from Fishpond) but when I went into the pet supply place yesterday to buy the clickers, I asked if they stocked the book. They said they only had clicker training for birds! So I'm sure it will work; the principle would be much the same. Even if you don't teach them that much, it's apparently still a good behaviour enrichment tool, and a way to communicate with them. Go for it!

I think the hardest thing for us will be to get the two of them separated for long enough to get some work done. If one is getting treats, the other will want some, too! I'm sure we'll work something out.

The funny thing is that I occasionally get emails at work about using "clickers" in the classroom. The technology is different (electronic gadgets that the students use to respond to questions posed in large classes), but one of the goals is to get the students actively engaged with the material. Not all that different!

I just went to their website, and it's fairly informative. You could probably work straight from that since you know about the technique already. Here's their "other animals" page (http://www.clickertraining.com/allanimals).

Ta! some good food for thought there.

This video was linked from a poultry forum I follow, and has reminded me that the authority I mentioned before is Bob Bailey.

I'm sorry about your week - and that you've then got the wedding at the weekend. Three hours between ceremony and reception?! Good grief. I hope at least the food is good, and that you can find something to do in the gap...

The clicker training sounds very interesting - let us know how it goes! Is this just for the kittens, or for all of them?

The Waipa Delta steamer runs an afternoon cruise at 3pm, but I doubt we'd get there in time; the ceremony finishes about 2:30 at a guess, and there's the cutting of the cake after wards apparently. [rolls eyes] So far I haven't found a place that does a high tea, but I suppose we can go to a cafe or something.

We shall take books, so at worst we can sit under a tree and read.

It's for all cats, though you only start the training with one at a time, I think. Even older cats will benefit and find it interesting--they like it as it's an interaction with us.

The website (http://www.clickertraining.com/cattraining)'s actually very informative.

Wedding receptions come under the heading of Being Dutiful :( And the three-hour-wait ones (which I've been to) comes under the heading of Above and Beyond.

I wouldn't mind if it was here; we'd just come home, or go to the park for high tea. I have no idea where to go in Hamilton. And as it is, we'll have to take a packed lunch with it because of the timing. :-P

Irritating wedding guests seems to be a modern trend. When Middle Child was planning her wedding they had difficulty convincing the caterers that they only wanted one meal. The caterers were convinced that you needed to have a sit down meal for close family and friends, no more than two dozen, followed by three hours later a buffet for a couple of hundred. Claire and Matt were determined that you invite the seventy people you really want there, get them all in the photos, feed them and then have live music for entertainment

The professionals were not impressed, the guests were.

Good for them! That's pretty much what we did--and no speeches--and several people told us they liked the simplicity and relaxed atmosphere. I had great caterers though, who also iced the cake I made, and weren't worried by me buying a selection of cheeses for a platter as an alternative to dessert.

That does sound like the more ghastly kind of wedding. Fortunately, most of the ones I've been to have been done by friends on budgets, so have been fairly informal, and with more mutual friends than relatives
For Iain and Vikki's wedding, we took photos in the Peace Gardens, near the registery office, and got told off for getting confetti near the fountain. Then most of the wedding party piled onto a tram, tried a 'Just Married' banner between two poles, and went to the pub where the reception was, with a specially-brewed beer and pump labels designed by the bride.

That sounds like fun! I gather the bride's mother is rather a dragon and probably wants all the trimmings. I have in fact been to fun weddings (on a beach, a buffet in a garage, a medieval one in a crypt); it's just that the last two have been very drawn-out and boring. At least they were in Auckland so we could come home in between.

Basically the more formal, the more deadly.

Confetti though? That's been banned here at most venues if not all, for decades because of the litter and mess.

At our wedding, I might add, there were no speeches or formality at all; we just all had a fun and relaxed early dinner together. :-)

That sounds wonderful. Why can't more weddings be like that.

Since I'm supposed to be positive--thetisonline and I have a pact--I will point out that the weather's been wonderfully sunny and hot, the kittens teenagers are funny, cute, and utterly adorable
Good luck with that.

(the less said about what the adult Claudia did in the laundry, the better),
Really, really good luck...

...but also apparently a fun and stimulating way for them to interact with us and have fun. I don't plan to teach them party tricks though; I shall respect their independence and dignity.
Awww.

Attending wedding? Ah dear, I really share your attitude! Um...just want to tell you that auch Czech village wedding is a summit of bigotry (my own too, groan).I am sure you will survive it...
Your cats have a real heaven in your house!

It will take up the whole day! (Well, most of one.) Aaaugh!

The vet was amazed that I have four cats that get on so well, so I must be doing something right!

*Hugs*

I hate any kind of forced mingling with people you don't know or care about, so yeah... at least best men's filthy jokes are a tradition (although sometimes bloody annoying). I find it even more offensive and hostile to listen to people's random conversations about How Men And Women Are, men being sexist fuckwits and women having conversations based on what they read in Cosmopolitan, y'know? Bloody mundanes.

*hands you a cuppa* but I only have green tea;)

I hate weddings. In China people have to give the couple a sum of money, wrapped in red paper. (How much to give is always a problem.)The wedding itself is pretty long and expensive too. So it's exhaustion and money loss on both sides (all three sides?). Though I loved it every time when some neighbour was having a wedding, while I was still a child. Candy everywhere and a bride to look at *g* which doesn't change when I get older, of course, but are now less fun.

Hope you'll have a better next week!

Thank you! [has just finished coffee]

Auugh, the money thing would be fraught with social anxiety! That custom happens here too in some cultures (Italian for example).

I have actually been to some fun, more casual weddings, but this won't be one of them. :-)

I'm about to be off-line all day, sorry, so I will get to your revised story tomorrow. I should be a lot less busy next week. :-P

I know! I just hope they seat us with people we can talk to. At the 21st party last year, after some painful small talk, I found a geek couple who met online and we were fine after that. [hugs back]

I'm sorry you've had such a blah week. If I do a silly dance will it cheer you up a bit? *silly dance* Could be worse, you could've bought a monkey. (Ask

executrix that's what she tells me when I get all negatory. lol

The teapot sounds lovely. They will enjoy that very much, I believe.

Yay kitties! Kitties are love. And yes dignity and independence must be respected!

I'm sure some people would love to have a monkey! Not me though, true.

I have a glass teapot, cups, and warmer, and I love it, so I thought they might like one too.

They like games, and clickers are a good way to play more with them, so it will be fun for all of us.

I like a wedding reception, but not the bit before - although my brother's wedding was an exception - we were laughing and clapping all the way through it, and it was amazing.

I'm sorry that you're feeling a bit below par - I hope those naughty kitties are looking after you. What's with the positivity thing? You're not a moaner!

That sounds cool!

Just trying to be positive about my future (or lack thereof) but it's not at all easy. It'a a lot less difficult for

thetisonline, so it's rather an unequal bargain. Oh well.

The cats are adorable and sweet and always make me happy. They're so funny in their tunnel doing U-boat commanders and vertical take-offs, and I can't pass one without a cuddle.

Hmmm. I always see you writing and illustrating children's books... oh, how's the sci-fi alphabet? I still want one! Maybe two. Three at the most.

I used to think about doing that! I sent a book about a lost cat off years ago, but it was rejected. I should have another go now I'm more confident about my writing and drawing (though little else).

I'll have to redo some of the alphabet because e.g. the alien was from Toy Story. Heh, maybe I can file the serial numbers off and use the Vila and Avon in Space cartoons for a story about a space crew that might also teach a little physics. :-P

Rhubarb farmer? Is that from the practice of saying "rhubarb" in crowd scenes?

It's a Kaldor City quote - so a pic of Avon is half-justified...

...and you shoud def. send off some work again - never mind about the first rejection. 12 publishing houses in a row rejected Harry Potter!

Sorry your feeling down!
Clicker training works to some extent depending on the cooperativeness of the kitten / cat. Some enjoy the "game" more than others, whatever it is. K'Zin was only interested in the treats for instance. Catkin on the other hand if he's in the mood will work hard and is more interested in praise than food treats.
Admittedly it is easier to clicker train for positive behaviour and is harder to eliminate nasty habits like scratching on the furniture. However if you have a scratching post, clicker and treats it won't take them long to get the message scratch the scratching post = click = treat! However it doesn't always stop them from scratching elsewhere!

It may have one advantage though a clicker is a nice sharp sound which carries for a good distance, ideal for calling them in with ( we tend to use a sharp clap and a point in the direction of the door - most head in the right direction as they get "treats" for doing so)

I've already used a deep-voiced "No!" and claps to train them not to do things, so I'll have to change that. Using a clicker to call them is a good idea. Actually, both "teenagers" are now pretty good, but dear little Tessa used to lurk and just not come. I had to call and call, and try to lure her with a dragged stick for chasing.

I don't think I've been to any wedding where the reception didn't follow the ceremony pretty much immediately. Then again the last one I went to was

smtfhw and Lynne's civil partnership 18 months ago, and they always throw most excellent parties anyway.

They seem to go for extended photo sessions here. As it was, they took almost an hour to take all the family photos after the ceremony. :-P

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Various stuff, and not as positive as it should be

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject