Last of the summer wine - once a year, every Xenon autumn, Dorian salves what vestigial conscience he has and drinks a toast to anyone (and thing) he has ever fed to the thing in the cellar, so he has to lay in enough supplies to cater. And on his buying trip to Onus 2, he encounters a delightful woman, a kindred spirit, and, amusingly, a President. He is torn between acquiring her (such a delicious soupcon of utter evil) and alliance.
Anions and Cations - the Liberator's batteries are almost irretrievably flat after a particularly prolonged pursuit. Avon, with the help of Orac, locates a nearby meteor field showing enormous electrical charges. He devises a means of extracting it and is on his third meteor when Cally is possessed by the group mind of the remaining--sentient--beings he is murdering. Avon, in the drive section, ignores her warning over the comms, and Cally is charged (in more ways than one) with avenging them, and hunts him down, shorting out equipment as she goes, to give him the shock of his life.
There Minotaurs And Ugly Treasons Lurk - Orac is curious about the Darkling Zone, AKA 61 Cygni, and manipulates the crew into taking the Liberator there by claiming there is a rumour that Blake is hiding out there. The truth is worse than the crews' worst nightmares: horrific and secret genetic experiments are being conducted by the Federation to build a cannibal army based on captured humans... called Reavers.
These were hard because of having to ignore the originals. So in two cases, I didn't.
Life and Loves of a She-Devil - It's not so easy to live in the style to which one is accustomed when you're only a lowly commissioner, so Sleer decides to publish the sensational memoirs of the purportedly dead Servalan via a Betafarl publishing house and lots of anonymous go-betweens. But first, she sends excerpts to various people in the hope that they may be worth more unpublished. Among those contacted are several rebels...
The Tempest - AU in which Dayna is stranded with Justin and Og when Scorpio, returning for her, is damaged by a meteor storm and crashes, as does Servalan's ship. None of them have any hope of getting off the planet, so they decide to make the best of it. Dayna turns down Og's proposal (although he was a better candidate than Justin). Sulking, Og makes friends with Servalan's mutoids, whom he believes to be from the moon, and tries to get them and his furry fellow Oggins to rebel against Servalan and Justin respectively. Justin, finally realising that Dayna is too young for him, tries to act in loco parentis and set her up with Tarrant, whom he takes as servant to check him out as a worthy suitor. Avon tries to kill Servalan but is diverted (all right, stunned) by Vila's melodious serenading of Soolin.
The Importance of Being Earnest - courtship comedy with Avon and his university chum Tynus both in love with the enchanting Anna and Sula respectively. When they find out that both girls are away at the same time visiting Bartolemew, a sick friend in a small country dome, they decide to visit and surprise her.
Cats - Vila thinks the Liberator needs a cat (oh, all right, he does) and orders one from amagon.com. However the bed-tempered beast he gets sold turns out to be a huge, evil-tempered, sabre-toothed Tarsian warg-strangler-eater... and it's pregnant. They have big litters and soon the ship is overrun with furry cuteness--and a savage mother who sees the crew as predators.
I think that I've absorbed a certain amount of B7 knowledge by osmosis from your and other LJs. :)
I wanted to say that I'm very impressed by the amount of effort that you put into all your story outlines, both those for me and those for other people. You must have spent hours on them.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes - a day in the life of Vila Restal as he evades conscription to Space Fleet, being rounded up for construction and other unpleasantly dirty work, various creditors, a client still waiting for the ordered Rembrandt, an ex-girlfriend, two ex-girlfriends' boyfriends, several police officers... and still manages to get several pints in.
Rebel Calendar - Avalon gets the idea of raising money by selling a calendar with scantily-clad rebels; demand will be high because of the Federation ban on any pictures. Highlights are: Avalon being 'interrogated', a bare-chested Blake leaning on a monoposium shovel; Jenna flying the Liberator naked (with strategically-placed console and knobs); Avon in a studded leather thong and thigh boots (for the month of Domo); Vila on a red fur bed wearing his spaceship boxers and a winsome smile; a well-oiled Gan pumping iron; and a completely naked Cally in a convoluted Auron yoga pose (there was some argument about whether this picture was printed right way up). The success of this calendar subverts the Federation economy which begins to totter until Servalan brings out one of her own: 'In Supreme Command'.
Blake and White - a teleport malfunction causes two Blakes to be returned from a mission, one a kind and gentle Blake with all his goodness, idealism, and love of his crew and humanity, and the other a psychopath with all his worst traits: arrogance, bloodthirstiness, complete disregard for anyone else. Avon is torn as to which one he finds less appalling, while the rest of the crew are planning to kill the evil one, 'Bleak', before he kills the one Avon calls 'Blaccharine'.
Sex and the Single Timelord - The ninth Doctor is shocked when he finds out that what he thought was merely Cally's vestigial tail is an ovipositor, and that when the Auronar don't have access to incubator technology, it's the male who carries the children. Yes, plural. The Doctor, is appears, will litter in about 13 months.
Three Six Zero Zero Four - Bored with the failed search for Blake, Avon sets up a simple program to create random galactic bearings in the hopes of encountering something to alleviate his and the crew's ennui. It succeeds; on bearing three six zero zero four, the Liberator collides with a blue box containing an unnervingly large inside, a man with a penchant for scarves, a savage warrior woman, and a mechanical dog. Dayna and Leela immediately become friends, Vila nicks the Doctor's sonic screwdriver and hides out in the TARDIS to escape the two young hunters, Avon dismantles K-9 out of sheer pique, Tarrant sees his chance to take over the Liberator, and Cally becomes possessed by the TARDIS (and vice versa) and inadvertently sets it to go to the year 36004 (old calendar) while everyone else is in the parkour--one of dozens of rooms--inside, having jelly babies and a nice cup of tea).
Vila Restal in an Exciting Adventure with Killer Robots - When the Liberator encounters Voyager in the Delta Quadrant, Vila immediately becomes friends with Tom Paris, pilot of the Delta Flyer, a name he thinks both dashing and egalitarian. They spend a lot of time on the holodeck playing Captain Proton and his new sidekick Vila Restal, galactic master thief. Avon, annoyed that Vila has all but deserted the Liberator, reprograms their latest adventure to include several large killer robots. Belatedly, he realises that in hacking the security codes, he has turned off the safety protocols and 'killer' will now be literal--and Vila, brave, daring, and heroic in the game, won't realise it. So he assumes the giant robot avatar Gabor to remain anonymous, and enters the game to save him.
Thistledown - There are five seasons in the southern hemisphere of Gauda Prime: begin-again, bakehouse, flood, misery -- and thistledown, which hits as Avon, Vila, Tarrant, and Soolin are making their way across country to the closest spaceport. They are caught without masks and protective hoods and capes as everything becomes covered with sticky, white, fluffy spores. Avon is allergic, Tarrant's hair is a wild mess of white spores and trapped insects, Vila is disoriented by the white-out and beginning to hallucinate, and Soolin is furious with herself for forgetting the danger, having grown up in the north. This is a tale of undaunted courage against extreme adversity.
Death and Chocolate - Servalan amuses herself with a junior staff officer named Sebastian Death (pronounced 'deeth' as he is always having to tell people). She invites him to her luxurious quarters where she hand-feeds him hand-made truffles, then offers him promotion, demotion, exile, a large box of chocolates, bond-slavery, or herself, depending on the roll of a die. After all, she'd always wanted to...
The Colour of Peacocks - As a teenager, Kerril reads a book about the discovery of new and untouched worlds, and one phrase sticks in her mind: "the sky was the colour of peacocks". She has never seen a peacock, but the sheer exoticism of the description and the glory of the colour enchant her so much that the desire to live on such a world takes over her life. She joins Space Fleet to see the galaxy but deserts after the massacre on Zircaster (which had a blue-mauve sky). She throws her lot in with Bayban for the chance of more travel, but Kezarn has a disappointingly pale egg-shell blue sky. At last, on Homeworld, she finds a sky the exact colour of peacocks (or at least the blue that carries their name) and by nightfall, she knows this is her home world indeed, worth more even than the man who followed her there.
Sound And Fury - Cally's liking for Betafarlian throat singing, set to maximum volume in her cabin so that it penetrates all of the others, drives the crew to extreme levels of stress and irritation. Avon snarls at everyone and breaks severl probes jabbing at things, Gan's limiter gives him pounding headaches and a temper like a hungry bear, Jenna goes all snappy, Vila nicks all the A&S and hides out where no one can find him, and Blake systematically smashes every music cube he can find in the hopes that he will hit the jackpot.
The Things They Didn't Teach You At School - Tarrant discovers that the training of a Federation officer and an upbringing in the honourable Alpha tradition do not exactly prepare him for working with Bayban.
I Didn't Vote For You - Rontane and Bercol have a spat over dinner at Space Fleet HQ when Bercol finds out that Rontane didn't vote for him in the High Council elections. Tears before bedtime.
Smokescreen - Vila and Avon, after watching James Bond vids (the franchise is still going strong, but Bond now spies for the Federation) decide that the Liberator needs some of Q's gadgets. Avon has already installed sensor invisibility; he now adds mine-laying from the stern, rear-facing plasma cannon, and a smokescreen. It all goes wrong when they can't turn off the smokescreen and it in effect provides a clear trail for Travis and his pursuit ships to follow.
The Code of the Restals - Vila never knew who his father was, only that his name was Valeri Restal and that he was a man of great charm and charisma who stole his mother's heart one night. Then one day, a man knocks on Vila's apartment door in Londondome and tells him that his father is dead, and it's now up to him to protect the Restal secret which has been passed from father to son for over three millennia, beginning with a Roman called Velius* Restalius. He gives Vila an inlaid wooden box and says he must keep it safe as it is the key to a secret that could rip history and society apart, then he leaves. The box is locked, but Vila of course opens it. It contains a petrified rose, a tiny bottle with a mysterious liquid inside, a parchment with several constellations on it and what looks like a spaceship, and a scroll with the Roman numbers IV, XIII, XV, XVI, XXIII, and XLII. What does it all mean? Are the numbers a combination to a lock, or some sort of DNA code, or galactics coordinates or bearings? Vila decides to find out, and the only way someone like him can travel the galaxy is to be exiled, so his first move is to get himself exiled to the first constellation on the parchment: Cygnus, the Swan.
*a Latin name meaning 'concealed'.
There you go. You're still free to write the Wodehouse version. :-)
You're still free to write the Wodehouse version. I've found this wonderful picture of an antique flying pig moneybank, which my subconscious insists will be involved... somehow...
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There Minotaurs And Ugly Treasons Lurk (it's from Henry VI, I just opened up my one-volume Shakespeare at random).
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There Minotaurs And Ugly Treasons Lurk - Orac is curious about the Darkling Zone, AKA 61 Cygni, and manipulates the crew into taking the Liberator there by claiming there is a rumour that Blake is hiding out there. The truth is worse than the crews' worst nightmares: horrific and secret genetic experiments are being conducted by the Federation to build a cannibal army based on captured humans... called Reavers.
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Although in all sober earnest I am writing a story where the crew of the Gauda Prime base tackle the result of Ultra-Pylene-50.
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It's a Shiny!Seven so it's arguably a Firefly story instead or as well.
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Ah. I look forward to it. :-) I'd like to have read your Firefly/Vorkosigan crossover.
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"The Tempest"
"The Importance of Being Earnest"
"Cats"
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Life and Loves of a She-Devil - It's not so easy to live in the style to which one is accustomed when you're only a lowly commissioner, so Sleer decides to publish the sensational memoirs of the purportedly dead Servalan via a Betafarl publishing house and lots of anonymous go-betweens. But first, she sends excerpts to various people in the hope that they may be worth more unpublished. Among those contacted are several rebels...
The Tempest - AU in which Dayna is stranded with Justin and Og when Scorpio, returning for her, is damaged by a meteor storm and crashes, as does Servalan's ship. None of them have any hope of getting off the planet, so they decide to make the best of it. Dayna turns down Og's proposal (although he was a better candidate than Justin). Sulking, Og makes friends with Servalan's mutoids, whom he believes to be from the moon, and tries to get them and his furry fellow Oggins to rebel against Servalan and Justin respectively. Justin, finally realising that Dayna is too young for him, tries to act in loco parentis and set her up with Tarrant, whom he takes as servant to check him out as a worthy suitor. Avon tries to kill Servalan but is diverted (all right, stunned) by Vila's melodious serenading of Soolin.
The Importance of Being Earnest - courtship comedy with Avon and his university chum Tynus both in love with the enchanting Anna and Sula respectively. When they find out that both girls are away at the same time visiting Bartolemew, a sick friend in a small country dome, they decide to visit and surprise her.
Cats - Vila thinks the Liberator needs a cat (oh, all right, he does) and orders one from amagon.com. However the bed-tempered beast he gets sold turns out to be a huge, evil-tempered, sabre-toothed Tarsian warg-strangler-eater... and it's pregnant. They have big litters and soon the ship is overrun with furry cuteness--and a savage mother who sees the crew as predators.
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I wanted to say that I'm very impressed by the amount of effort that you put into all your story outlines, both those for me and those for other people. You must have spent hours on them.
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Blake and White
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Blake and White - a teleport malfunction causes two Blakes to be returned from a mission, one a kind and gentle Blake with all his goodness, idealism, and love of his crew and humanity, and the other a psychopath with all his worst traits: arrogance, bloodthirstiness, complete disregard for anyone else. Avon is torn as to which one he finds less appalling, while the rest of the crew are planning to kill the evil one, 'Bleak', before he kills the one Avon calls 'Blaccharine'.
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*giggle* Yay! And I'd like a copy of that calendar, please. :^)
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"Three Six Zero Zero Four"
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Three Six Zero Zero Four - Bored with the failed search for Blake, Avon sets up a simple program to create random galactic bearings in the hopes of encountering something to alleviate his and the crew's ennui. It succeeds; on bearing three six zero zero four, the Liberator collides with a blue box containing an unnervingly large inside, a man with a penchant for scarves, a savage warrior woman, and a mechanical dog. Dayna and Leela immediately become friends, Vila nicks the Doctor's sonic screwdriver and hides out in the TARDIS to escape the two young hunters, Avon dismantles K-9 out of sheer pique, Tarrant sees his chance to take over the Liberator, and Cally becomes possessed by the TARDIS (and vice versa) and inadvertently sets it to go to the year 36004 (old calendar) while everyone else is in the parkour--one of dozens of rooms--inside, having jelly babies and a nice cup of tea).
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Just added some more...
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Vila Restal in an Exciting Adventure with Killer Robots - When the Liberator encounters Voyager in the Delta Quadrant, Vila immediately becomes friends with Tom Paris, pilot of the Delta Flyer, a name he thinks both dashing and egalitarian. They spend a lot of time on the holodeck playing Captain Proton and his new sidekick Vila Restal, galactic master thief. Avon, annoyed that Vila has all but deserted the Liberator, reprograms their latest adventure to include several large killer robots. Belatedly, he realises that in hacking the security codes, he has turned off the safety protocols and 'killer' will now be literal--and Vila, brave, daring, and heroic in the game, won't realise it. So he assumes the giant robot avatar Gabor to remain anonymous, and enters the game to save him.
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Oh, you're forgiven. These are all just brilliant, in their own twisted ways. :)
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Death and Chocolate
The Colour of Peacocks
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Death and Chocolate - Servalan amuses herself with a junior staff officer named Sebastian Death (pronounced 'deeth' as he is always having to tell people). She invites him to her luxurious quarters where she hand-feeds him hand-made truffles, then offers him promotion, demotion, exile, a large box of chocolates, bond-slavery, or herself, depending on the roll of a die. After all, she'd always wanted to...
The Colour of Peacocks - As a teenager, Kerril reads a book about the discovery of new and untouched worlds, and one phrase sticks in her mind: "the sky was the colour of peacocks". She has never seen a peacock, but the sheer exoticism of the description and the glory of the colour enchant her so much that the desire to live on such a world takes over her life. She joins Space Fleet to see the galaxy but deserts after the massacre on Zircaster (which had a blue-mauve sky). She throws her lot in with Bayban for the chance of more travel, but Kezarn has a disappointingly pale egg-shell blue sky. At last, on Homeworld, she finds a sky the exact colour of peacocks (or at least the blue that carries their name) and by nightfall, she knows this is her home world indeed, worth more even than the man who followed her there.
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The Things They Didn't Teach You At School
I Didn't Vote For You
Smokescreen
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The Things They Didn't Teach You At School - Tarrant discovers that the training of a Federation officer and an upbringing in the honourable Alpha tradition do not exactly prepare him for working with Bayban.
I Didn't Vote For You - Rontane and Bercol have a spat over dinner at Space Fleet HQ when Bercol finds out that Rontane didn't vote for him in the High Council elections. Tears before bedtime.
Smokescreen - Vila and Avon, after watching James Bond vids (the franchise is still going strong, but Bond now spies for the Federation) decide that the Liberator needs some of Q's gadgets. Avon has already installed sensor invisibility; he now adds mine-laying from the stern, rear-facing plasma cannon, and a smokescreen. It all goes wrong when they can't turn off the smokescreen and it in effect provides a clear trail for Travis and his pursuit ships to follow.
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The Code of the Restals
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*a Latin name meaning 'concealed'.
There you go. You're still free to write the Wodehouse version. :-)
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You're still free to write the Wodehouse version. I've found this wonderful picture of an antique flying pig moneybank, which my subconscious insists will be involved... somehow...