Secret character meme answers

[vilakins]

Answers to the secret character meme: roll up, roll up, characters from several different fandoms and not one of them is Vila (or anyone else I used last time).

From kerravonsen:

Del Tarrant, Jackie Tyler, Dayna Mellanby, Teal'c, the 4th Doctor, and Jack O'Neill are infected by the WildCards virus, and turn into Superheroes and Supervillains. What are their powers, their costumes and their aliases? Is the world doomed or saved?

• Del Tarrant becomes Albedo Boy, able to dazzle, blind, and send signals just by flashing his teeth; he wears a studded velvet tunic, tights, high boots, and a short cape with no function at all, just to annoy Avon.
  
• Jackie Tyler is Motormouth, able to talk any politician, lawyer (including Alan Shore and Denny Crane, or enemy of any sort into stunned submission. She dresses in tight, brightly-coloured polyester and bravely flaunts the fashion rule of not mixing stripes, spots, and tartans.
  
• Dayna Mellanby, AKA Black Bombshell, is given the powers of being able to explode objects (and people) just by glaring at them, so it's lucky that she left the crew before Vila tried it on again. She wears low-cut, tight jumpsuits, pretty much her usual outfits in fact.
  
• Teal'c becomes Laconic Man, able to dry up lakes and swamps with a single well-placed "indeed". He wears a black muscle-shirt and trousers and his golden third-eye thingy which means not much change there.
  
• The 4th Doctor already has powers, costume, and an alias. :-)
  
• Jack O'Neill is dressed in t-shirt and jeans as SuperKiss (as in "keep it simple, stupid") able to render any complicated concept into words of one or two witty syllables easily understood by all. People still remember his astronomy lecture on "those black sucky things".

On the whole, the world is saved.

Avatars of Spock, Seven of Nine and Dr Gregory House are characters in a Regency romance. What roles do they play? What happens?

Seven of Nine Borg, one of the younger daughters of an ancient but impoverished family who trace their ancestor back to the Viking invaders and stopped giving their daughters names after the third one, is the clever and independent heroine of great intelligence and beauty who must make her way in a world which wishes to relegate her to the role of governess or old lady's companion should she not marry. Spock is the local member of the Royal Society who has a large laboratory filled with bubbling retorts and phials of mercury, and Seven at first casts her net that way. Spock however remains immune to her charms although he enjoys a good discussion of natural philosophy with her in his conservatory which is filled with various flora and fauna from Africa and the Amazon. Then the local manor is rented by a mysterious stranger, the medical doctor Gregory House who suffers from a romantic war wound. His acerbic wit and downright rudeness offend all the maidens at the local ball, at which he trips dancers with his cane when not wounding them to the quick with his snark. His insults fail to defeat Seven however, whose expression remains as serene as ever while she breaks his cane into small pieces, then dares him to dance. He does not, but he is intrigued despite himself. Their romance is rocky, but he is hers when she gives him a Borg leg upgrade.

A Dalek is magically granted a wish, which results in the Holographic Doctor, Teal'c and Denny Crane suddenly being snatched where they are in the multiverse and suddenly appearing. What is the wish? Are they stranded? What do they do?

The Dalek, a sole survivor of the Great Cyberman War, is alone in the world, pursued by children with stones, and dogs who see him as a mobile fire hydrant, and cries out for companionship. The TARDIS hears and gives him a piece of software that has learned how to become an individual with a personality and a soul, a human who will never show fear and understands about massacres and guilt and having the strength to reject his old life and live a different one, and Denny Crane who has such a huge ego immune to deflation that he can teach the Dalek humour, self-pride, and how to introduce himself as "Dally Lek!"

From executrix:

What could Jackie Tyler and the 4th Doctor make out of duct tape and odds and ends, a la McGyver?

A device that will make a pot of tea and keep it warm under any conditions (a component is a striped knitted tea-cosy) and dispense jelly-beans on demand into small white paper bags for presentation to random aliens.

What costumes did Spock, Jack O'Neill, and a Dalek wear to the Halloween party?

• Spock saw no logical reason to pretend to be anything other than a Vulcan, but dressed as Legolas complete with bow and arrow because the idea appealed to his vestigial but extant sense of humour.
  
• Jack O'Neill went as Thor, but because he didn't want to shave his hair off and go naked, he went with the blond wig, false beard, and big hammer.
  
• The Dalek painted himself black and his studs silver and went as Kerr Avon. This was a good choice because his extermination of three guests who asked him to unblock their toilets was considered entirely in character.

You need one more player for the basketball team--do you pick Denny Crane or Soolin?

Soolin. They're both good shots, but Soolin doesn't constantly stop to introduce herself to opposing players.

From linda_joyce:

If Spock, Dayna Mellanby, and the 4th Doctor were hiking in the Himalayas and came face to face with a Yeti how would each react?

Spock would raise an eyebrow and say "fascinating", then scan the Yeti with his tricorder.
Dayna would ask him if he'd ever met Og, but shoot him in his tracks if he attacked.
The 4th Doctor would say, "Why hello, old chap!" and offer him a jellybean.

If Del Tarrant and Rygel went out to dinner together who would chose the restaurant and who would pay the bill?

Rygel (he's an ex-monarch of course; it's his right) and Tarrant (like Vila, Rygel doesn't pay for anything).

Jackie Tyler, Denny Crane, the 4th Doctor, and Soolin are on a plane that crash lands on a desert Island, How would each react?

Jackie would panic, complain and incessantly, then finally get on with organising a meal and shelter. Denny Crane would unload his hunting rifle from the baggage compartment and go out looking for dinner after assuring everyone they would soon be rescued because of course Denny Crane was on board. The Doctor would just enjoy the adventure, poking his nose happily into everything. Soolin would be cool and quietly efficient and help Denny hunt and prepare the game (he's never done anything with his kills before but send them to the taxidermist). She in fact would end up as the expert of the group and they'd survive very well until the TARDIS arrives.

From astrogirl2:

What would happen if Spock were stuck in an elevator with Dr Gregory House?

Spock would busy himself working out what's wrong with the elevator and fixing it, limiting himself to an occasional raised eyebrow in response to House's insults and offensive remarks. By the time he succeeds in rescuing them both, House has almost been driven insane by his inability to insult Spock or to diagnose the disease that would cause his blood colour, the deformation of his ears, and the displacement of his heart.

Soolin and Rygel are hired by Denny Crane to track down and capture Captain James T Kirk. Do they succeed? Does Denny Crane pay them? And what does Denny want with Kirk?

Hahaha, perfect! OK, Denny's ego is such that he puts an ad in the Future Times to hire investigators to track down a famous descendant, given that the son that bears his name is not in fact his son (though Denny is proud of him for following in his footsteps). Soolin takes the job on because she's gone back to freelance work after Gauda Prime, and Rygel does it for the chance to go back in time and possibly not be deposed. They trace the descendants of several hundred Crane offspring (mostly conceived in cloakrooms, courtrooms, wedding receptions--several his own--and Alaskan hunting cabins) but only one, Captain James T Kirk, has achieved the fame of Denny Crane. When they meet, they are both lost in admiration for each other, for their physical splendour, intellectual stature, and unbroken string of victories in the courtroom and in space. It's love at first sight.

Seven of Nine wakes up one morning in Teal'c's body, universe, and life. What happens?

She is somewhat nonplussed at first, but appreciates the fine body she has been given. Oddly enough, it takes the others quite a while to realise that it isn't Teal'c, due to their very similar dry deliveries. It's only when she answers "yes" to a question that the penny drops. She does extremely well in SG1, and for that matter, Teal'c fits in well on Voyager and no one but the Holographic Doctor even guesses. It's a surprisingly seamless swap.

From entropy_house:

Dayna Mellanby, Seven of Nine, and a Dalek are accused of cheating on their income taxes for their 3-way business partnership. What is the business and how do they resolve the problem?

They're in the pest extermination business, "bipeds included". Dayna blows up the Terran IRD building while the Dalek exterminates everyone fleeing from the ruins, and Seven of Nine gets the Borg to assimilate all accountants and lawyers to prevent the re-forming of the IRD, with the interesting side-effect of destroying the Borg through a combination of massive internal boredom, conflict, and litigation. As the Borg and the IRD are considered major galactic pests, their company, RIBUAF (Resistance is Both Useless and Futile) becomes bigger even than Microsoft.

Jackie Tyler and Spock are invited to an Inauguration Ball. What happens?

Spock fails to see the logic of moving around a room to music though he looks devastating in a tux, and Jackie dresses in bright pink and orange polyester and talks the heads off most of the White House staff who are so impressed by her intelligence, common sense, and lucidity, they ask her to write all of Bush's speeches and policy.

Del Tarrant, Soolin, Captain James T Kirk, and Rygel go on holiday to DisneyWorld. How do they react to the place in general--and in particular to the audio-animatronic dinosaurs on one ride?

Tarrant loves it and goes on all the wildest rides, Soolin wins lots of prizes at shooting, Kirk chats up all the aliens, esp the ones with green skin--or just those with lots showing--and Rygel is so terrified by some of the rides that everyone else is talking two octaves higher from the helium they think is just a cool new ride feature.
Tarrant tries to get a small dinosaur to take back to Xenon to scare Vila with, Soolin ignores them because they're too big to be a challenge, Kirk flirts with the female ones, and Rygel succeeds in nicking one, assuming it to be one of the Hynerian servant races.

Finished! [wipes brow] Phew, that took a while.