Time machine bargain; will swap

[vilakins]

ROTFL. This guy is selling an unfinished time machine on TradeMe. The comments (scroll down) are even funnier than the listing.

[Edit:] I decided to copy the listing and some of my favourite questions with answers from the seller before the web page disappears. I hope the publicity got the guy into comedy.

Time Machine



Unfinished project.
Started making a machine to facilitate time travel, unfortunately I just don't have the time to complete it.
Have had mixed results, so no guarantees.
Would suit DIY handyman with quantum physics background or similar interest.
No time wasters please!
Would consider swap for anti-gravity machine.

Some of my favourite questions with answers from the seller:

Q: Do you have the flux capacitor to go with this? I can't see it in the photo.
A: This model does not use a flux capacitor to reduce the time dilation effect. Are you sure you know what you are doing?

Q: I've got a space continuum transfunctioner. Would you consider swapping it for that? It's a bit rough and ready and blows a little blue smoke but appears to be running ok.
A: space continuum transfunctioners are old school. I used to have one and it blew blue smoke too, just before it blew up. Get rid of it now.

Q: Yes I do know what I am doing.. without the flux capacitor I can't modulate the 21 gigawatts of energy I need to transmogrify the time / space continuum. So far all attempts to locate a flux capacitor have proved fruitless, hence why I haven't been able to time travel. They've got them in the future, but I can't get there to get one.
A: I don't know a great deal about flux capacitors as my machine does not use one. You could try getting in contact with Marty McFly, his De Lorean time machine is based on Flux capacitation and he maybe able to supply you with one. May pay to get a couple cos they don't last to long apparently. I think I saw one for sale on trademe a while back.

Q: I have half of my cheese and tomato sandwich left from lunch, would you consider a trade?
A: What kind of dressing?

Q: I have an anti gravity machine, its an old ZX300 model from around the 1960's. Made by Matel. Interested? All it needs is a spit shine and a new battery for the old ticker.
A: i am not familiar with the ZX300 model. Do you have any pictures? Does it antigravitize objects only, or does it do entire rooms? has it been thrashed?

Q: would you be willing to swap for The Tardis, which i have in my possession. Its the original that Doctor Who himself used.
A: Does it come with Billie Piper?

Q: hi, does it have seating and for how many? does the phone work and what network is it on? thanks.
A: Sorry you will have to supply your own seats as i am now using mine in my home theatre.

Q: I want to avoid the use of nuclear power and stick with mains. Have you worked out the number of metres of cable required per year of travel. Does it vary going forward or backward? I've got the recipe for elastic copper wire. Could this help in its range. If so perhaps some of those following this auction would like to make me an offer.
A: i haven't figured out the length needed per year yet. I found out the hard way that a 20 metre cable isn't long enough for 5 years of time travel - the cord was yanked out at the wall, and I lost my cat in-between times. retrieved the machine by pulling on the cord. Elastic copper wire could be useful for bungy time travelling.

Q: Do you have a perpetual motion machine for sale?
A: Of course not! Everyone knows this is impossible! Have you not read the laws of Thermodynamics?

Q: I see the machine has a New Zealand 2-pin power plug on it. Does this mean that travelling is restricted to no further back than the invention electricity? And how would I get on if I wanted to witness an event overseas? Do you supply a travel adaptor?
A: You should be able to pick up a travel adaptor from any DSE store for around $30.00, figure this cost into your final bid amount.

Q: me again, i started making one at home. Could you please tell me where the eftpos machine plugs into i stole one from the dairy down the road and i cant see in the picture where it goes, behind that box thing somewhere? Thanks
A: the eftpos machine (or time defiberator) connects to the main component, by just loosely dangling the wire inside the main component. Its vital it doesn't actually connect to anything. I in no way condone the stealing of Electronic Funds transfer point of sale Machines.

Q: Does it have an inbuilt DeJaVue inhibitor to prevent time from looping. Needing to know desperately.
A: No I have always had an ongoing issue with time looping. Frankly its a pain in the arse and one of the things i couldn't solve. A deja vue inhibitor is really hard to find.

Q: Does it have an inbuilt DeJaVue inhibitor to prevent time from looping. Needing to know desperately.
A: No I have always had an ongoing issue with time looping. Frankly its a pain in the arse and one of the things i couldn't solve. A deja vue inhibitor is really hard to find.

Q: Does it have an inbuilt DeJaVue inhibitor to prevent time from looping. Needing to know desperately.
A: No I have always had an ongoing issue with time looping. Frankly its a pain in the arse and one of the things i couldn't solve. A deja vue inhibitor is really hard to find.

Q: Is this the silent type of time machine or the one that goes boom and leaves smoke and burnt marks everywhere. Where i want to use it 1st is a confined space and i don't want to damage anything
A: I am currently on the Noise control list of the HSC. No smoke as of yet, if this is a problem you can buy a smoke machine from DSE for $90.00.

Q: I'm just curious on how to get Uranium 235 to power it, since NZ is very anti-nuclear?
A: As stated above, from time to time it pops up on Trade me and other Auction sites... Try EBay but make sure they ship to NZ.

Seller Comment: Ahem, Due to the recent publicity a professor of quantum physics got in touch to have an inspection of both my theorem and the machine. He has confirmed that my theory is fatally flawed, and in fact my machine is just a phone attached to an old computer and an eftpos machine. I am incredibly embarrassed and would like to apologise to everyone who took an interest. As such the Auction will be withdrawn today at 6pm. My sincere apologies to all the genuine time travellers out there. Peace out!